Small Spaces
by One Hit Wonders Anonymous
Summary: "Whatever you used to be scared of, it's not here anymore. You can feel better now." / Set after "Catch and Release". Based on a popular fan theory that exploded right after the episode aired. Warnings for depictions of past abuse/violence.


Hello there! So, remember when "Catch and Release" aired, and everybody was really worried about how Peridot was so nervous and afraid of everything? This is a one-shot born from those theories as to why.

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 **Small Spaces**

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Peridot was, truthfully, rather comfortable in the bathroom of the Steven's house. It may have appeared strange to the young gem, who consistently begged her to step outside, but she didn't really care what he thought. At least, she didn't want to care.

The truth was that the bathroom felt comfortable exactly for the reason the Steven had wanted her to come out- it was small. It was dark and quiet and a little cramped, which gave her a sense of security that she didn't understand and she didn't want to understand. Peridot noted with a bitter click of her tongue that she seemed to like ignoring herself. It was only natural; there was too much room for error when indulging in personal matters. It wouldn't make for very accurate data to react based on the innermost thoughts tucked away in her brain.

She made no effort to hide the sigh that escaped when she heard the familiar knock on the door. "Peeeeeridot?" the juvenile voice sang. "Can I come in? I need to get ready for bed!"

Peridot rolled her eyes. 'Bed' was the least productive process she'd ever seen. The Steven would lie down on a large, soft rectangular prism and stop responding to all attempts at communication for hours at a time. Sometimes, he would even indulge in 'bed' during daylight hours, which he called the 'nap'. It was impractical to a hilarious degree that almost got on her nerves. Laziness got you nowhere good on Homeworld.

She shook away the pathway toward her 'feelings' that Homeworld opened and reached for the doorknob, turning it slowly and peeking out just enough to catch the Steven's bright eyes. "Are the others gone?" She asked quietly. She felt no desire to deal with the Crystal Gems.

The Steven nodded wildly. Peridot wondered if such dramatic movement would hurt his neck. "Yes yes it's just me, now hurry up! I need to get to bed soon, I already stayed up too late playing games! Pearl is gonna take away my TV for another thousand years!"

Peridot's eyes widened. "A thousand years? I didn't think such a lifespan was possible for your kind."

Steven looked embarrassed. "Well, it only lasted about eight months last time. Who knows about the next time though! Which is why I _need_ ," Steven pulled on the door gently, "to get ready for bed!"

Peridot grimaced, but let him through. He stepped into the bathroom and punched the air with an exclamation of victory. With the Steven inside, the room felt so much smaller. Ordinarily, smaller would be better, but it wasn't, because now she wasn't alone. Being with someone else in a small space was enough to make her incredibly nervous. There were too many possibilities that didn't allow for an escape.

She eyed him carefully while he stepped to the sink and mirror. She watched in silence while he brushed his teeth. A disgusting concept, but interesting, and she had stolen the brush a few times to try it. It felt strange.

Peridot jumped when Steven began to speak again. "What do you do all day in here anyway?" He asked.

"I don't do anything," She said curtly, "I don't have any other option without my limb enhancers. They provided the technology that would otherwise keep me busy. How _disappointing_ that they've been misplaced." Peridot glared at Steven's back. She could tell that her comment had caught him off guard, which was a little satisfying.

He turned and she flinched dramatically, and she cursed herself for her instinctive measures. Flinching was an obvious sign of weakness. She had revealed that she was lacking confidence, and it could cost her. A lack of confidence was equally as persecuted as laziness on Homeworld. Instead of shaking her head, she blinked away the feelings this time.

"Peridot?" The Steven asked. His voice sounded sympathetic and Peridot ground her teeth. She didn't want his pity, but it was so openly displayed on his face. She felt a deep seeded sense of shame.

"Why are you so scared of everything?" He asked. Always to the point, the Steven was. Peridot cursed his attention to detail in the same moment she cursed herself for her tactless actions. Of course he had noticed her defensive maneuvers she had so sloppily implemented.

She rolled her eyes in a subtler act of defense. "I am _not_ scared of everything! I am simply… unaccustomed to your planet's arsenal. It is severely lacking. Nothing I have asked about yet has been a weapon, according to your classification." She looked at the 'toothbrush' that he was currently cleaning under the sink. What was this species' fixation on their mouths about? He had already explained that it was not a weapon, soon after she had first claimed the bathroom as her fortress.

It was a truly genius idea to claim the bathroom, she commended, since the Crystal Gems had no need of the bathroom and only the Steven, who made great lengths to become Peridot's friend, would absolutely need to enter. He had not once shown a desire to injure or otherwise capture her in one of those cursed 'bubbles' since she had planted herself firmly inside. It was advantageous to allow him to continue believing that they were allies.

"We don't have weapons in every room, Peridot, this is my house! Houses are safe places, where we don't need weapons." He explained. Peridot still found the notion foolish. What if there was a surprise attack, and he was caught unawares? No more Steven. She entertained the thought for a moment before remembering that no Steven implied that the Crystal Clods would face her full-force, and she knew that she was painfully outmatched. What a sticky situation she had put herself in. She berated herself for what felt like the hundredth time. Stupid mistake, it would be unacceptable should Yellow D-

She halted her thoughts yet again. No, she had no time to dwell on the past. Peridot needed every moment to learn of Earth so that she could survive on her own when the time came that she could escape safely. Maybe the Steven would convince the gems that she was to be trusted. She snorted at the idea. What wishful thinking. She was condemned to live in the bathroom forever. It was not a pleasant thought to entertain at first, but she couldn't help but feel a tiny sense of relief along with the disdain. It wasn't all that bad to feel so… secured. It was not a feeling she'd had before at length.

Peridot wondered if Steven had found her extended brooding moments unacceptable, for he seemed troubled. The boy always had his emotions very plainly depicted on his facial and physical features. He was frowning, downcast and with his eyebrows upturned. This was an expression of concern. Peridot felt another bristle of irritation.

"You don't have to be afraid, you know." The Steven said. Peridot jumped at the sudden sound. Stupid, she thought. What a joke she'd become, letting her emotions get the best of her.

"And what makes you say that, the _Steven_ ," she spat his title, "when I am huddled like a cornered beast inside the base of my currently greatest threat? If I let my guard down, I am easily overtaken. It's not wise to let thoughts carry your attention elsewhere." She frowned.

"That's not what I mean." He said solemnly, now catching Peridot off guard. "I mean, whatever made you afraid before…" He trailed off, as if trying to decide the right words to say. It looked like he was struggling to explain his thoughts. "Whatever you used to be scared of, it's not here anymore. You can feel better now."

Peridot was surprised. Clever boy, she thought. He had easily picked through her ruse. She was disappointed, but impressed. Her shoulders suddenly felt very heavy, and they sagged with an invisible weight. "It is not that simple, Steven." She said matter-of-factly. She had left out the dissociative prefix to his name, she noted. Sloppy. Unacceptable.

"Why not?" He asked, looking at her through the mirror. He stared straight into her eyes and she averted her gaze quickly, troubled by the contact.

"I have… responsibilities," She picked her words carefully, "that I cannot simply abandon. Surely you must understand." He gave her a look that indicated he did not understand. She grunted in annoyance. "Clearly you are too simple to understand the perfect order of a system which encourages success and punishes failure. You all lack discipline. It's no wonder you've yet to master your powers!"

"Well, I'll be here," he started, a little unsure of where he was going, "when you're ready." He gave a huff of finality and straightened his posture before stepping out of the bathroom and leaving Peridot alone once again. He had flicked off the lights, which she had requested he do after leaving several visits ago. She let out a breathy sigh. Finally, the peace and quiet she came to love in her prison. She could forget again.

She couldn't forget though. He had reminded her too much. Peridot groaned as her thoughts turned into a whirlwind that swirled her into a vivid picture of a memory visited too many times before.

She was crouched on the floor. There was no light save for the eerie green glow that seemed to illuminate much of Yellow Diamond's chambers. The room was entirely too small for two of them. Yellow Diamond was speaking to her. The words echoed crystal clear, as though they were being spoken right into her ears.

"It's unfortunate that we must interact this way again, Peridot. I'm very disappointed." Yellow Diamond put on a good show. Peridot lowered her head. She stared at her suspended fingers as they wrung each other absently. She focused on running one metallic thumb over the other.

The focus kept her stronger when the weapon fell upon the back of her neck and sent a jolt of crackling pain down her spine. Peridot yelped as the raw energy fried her extremities and burned at her gem. Her enhancers threatened to break apart from the electricity but she worked hard to keep them on.

"I hate to do this to you. It hurts me more than it hurts you, Peridot." Yellow Diamond sighed as she pulled the weapon from Peridot's neck, leaving her to sag slightly with shuddering muscles. "You know this to be true."

Peridot felt a thick knife of guilt and shame shove down her throat. Her limb enhancers continued to twitch and tempt malfunction after the circuit overload. Showing such weakness was disgraceful. She had to prove that she was still worth keeping.

"You will not do it again." Yellow Diamond said. The weapon surged again and sent white-hot cracks through her thoughts.

"I will not do it again, Yellow Diamond!" Peridot yelped, looking up to her leader with despair. "I will not do it again," She repeated, the shaking of her body chopping her voice into a mess. The shame in her core plummeted and grew only more painful after the jolt stopped. She finally lost control of the enhancers. They cracked open and fell to the ground, deactivated.

Peridot stared at her vulnerable hands now unsheathed from her enhancers. They were tingling from the energy overload and smoking slightly. They hurt, a lot.

Without speaking Yellow Diamond shoved the prongs into Peridot's chest where they dug into her collarbone. Peridot gasped and tried to push back, only running into the wall behind her. There was no way out. The walls were too close. They were caving in. Yellow Diamond's eyes were piercing.

A hand touched Peridot's arm and she lashed out with a cry, smacking it away and covering her head with her still naked arms.

"Peridot?"

That wasn't Yellow Diamond's voice. Peridot opened her eyes and looked at the floor- it was a white tile, not dark grey. She blinked. Bright artificial light was shining from the ceiling. There was no green glow staining the shelves. She slowly removed her arm from shielding her face. Yellow Diamond was nowhere to be seen. She was looking at a very afraid, very sad Steven.

"Are you okay?" He said. Peridot worked to bring herself back from the dissociation. She was not on Homeworld. She was in Steven's bathroom. Yellow Diamond wasn't here.

She looked at Steven and gave him a small nod, fearing how her voice might sound if she'd spoken. Suddenly, the small boy's arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders. He was hugging her.

"I'm sorry you have a lot to be scared about." He said. She stared straight ahead, trying not to focus on the lingering buzzing sensation on her fingertips and toes. It had felt so real. "This happens to Pearl sometimes, too. But it's okay, because you're safe!" Steven pulled back and gave her a big smile. Peridot blinked her eyes into focus.

There was something about Steven that always made her feel like maybe he was right. Again she hesitated, but gave a small nod of understanding. Steven nodded back and stood to leave, stepping softly over the white, definitely-not-Homeworld tile. This was Steven's bathroom.

"Thank you, Steven." Peridot said, surprising Steven before he gripped the door handle. He looked back at her with surprise that quickly grew into a pure happiness.

"You're welcome!" He said, and he skipped out the door. He ran a few steps outside before he remembered, and cracked the door open to turn off the light. He closed the door again and shut Peridot into darkness.

Peridot closed her eyes. She let out a long held sigh, and let her body slump with the natural release of her tensed muscles that followed. She held her hands neatly together in her lap. She opened her eyes again and blinked to get adjusted to the darkness, taking in the silhouettes of the sink, the bathtub, the pictures on the wall…

Peridot stood, leaving her mechanical foot behind, and walked to the door. She reached toward the handle, but stopped. She wasn't quite ready to leave yet.

However, she did turn the lights back on.

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Thanks for reading!


End file.
